I’ve been happy.
I mean of course there’s ups and downs… I still have my moments of “holy shit I’m so fucking sad right now”
and that’s ok.
I’ve been cooking a little.. It’s made me happy.
Nothing extravagant but still great anyway.
I’m trying to make time/actually do some things I’ve been wanting to do.
Trying to write in a “gratitude journal” or something of the sort.
It’s helped me reflect and when I think of the things that I’m thankful for, I start to think less of the things that are making me sad.
I think a big thing is this pressure to be more and do more and that can lead to sadness.
I’ve actually been feeling that a lot lately.
Feeling like I’m untalented and unaccomplished and missing out on so much.
Which is so easy to feel because everything is displayed on social media.
Everyone’s adventures and talents and the highlight reel of what everyone’s doing.
But as soon as the thought slips into my mind.. I’m like.. Uh hello, you’re still here.
You’re still alive. It’s not too late to be who you want to be. Keep trying.
So yesterday and all the days before that you didn’t do this or didn’t know how to do this… but today? Today you can take a step in that direction.
It’s helped me out when I’ve felt like I was drowning.
You don’t HAVE to be anyone/anywhere except who and where and what you are right now.
If you don’t like it, make some changes. Make those moves.. because it’s not too late.
I’m getting older and it’s easy for me to feel like it IS too late, but honest truth is it’s not.
There’s no real time limit to when we have to accomplish most of these things by.. although a lot of times it may feel like it.
And hopefully I’ve got 20.. 40.. 60… hell maybe even 70+ more years?
I can’t hang up the towel now.
At some point I lost my power.. I lost my desire or will to try the things I wanted.. But as soon as I realized that I realized.. fuck that..
I want to keep living instead of sitting back being miserable because I’m not doing the things I want. You can choose to give up or keep living.. and I choose to keep living.
Whether that means living slow where I sit outside and do nothing but bask in the sun and just BE..
or learning a new language or a new skill… or any little way to get closer to the things I want.. it’s important that I keep doing the things that make me happy.
Anyway, I’m still here and I’m still trying.